Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
