i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
