Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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