headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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