Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
