Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
