so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
