he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
