im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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