I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
