I want to make a zoo with you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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