he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
