I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
