dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
