God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
