That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
