if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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