this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
