she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
