I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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