so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
