I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
