I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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