UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
