It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
