we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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