I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
