Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
pray to the hookup gods
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
