All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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