if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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