and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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