Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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