1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
