Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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