I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
