He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
