Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
