textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
