The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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