So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When are your genitals available?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
