your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
