"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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