I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
