hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
