fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
