I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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