the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
