girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
