I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
