batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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