grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
