The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
