I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
being pregnant is like rehab
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
