He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
